There’s a reason why I like fucking MILFs – especially if they’re the mother’s of my girlfriends past and present – and that’s because they’re starved for attention. They’re husbands have either left, grown impotent or worse yet, stick around and won’t touch them all the while they’re staring at their daughter’s young and supple friends. And because of all these factors, they make the better lays as they do stuff that even their daughters are too afraid to attempt. And they love me because my young cock stays hard after cumming so that I’m ready to go again in a matter of seconds while their husbands need to pop magic boner pills to fuck them.
She’s a whore, at least for last night she was. We spoke it over a course of maybe months. She wasn’t really game for the idea of another man joining us, but with the options being either that or my cock inside some random slut’s cunt, she opted that pleasuring herself was far more important than my sick fantasies of her munching another woman’s muff. Sick for her, I should add, not for me.
He was a stranger, the man. We, though I should say she, picked him up at some club we were going to at the time. It was notorious for threesomes, orgies and the like.
“He’s interested,” she came back to me. “Though he’s not down for any gay shit.”
I smirked, “Well, tell him that makes two of us. Did you tell him no anal?”
Her face dropped, “But I thought…”
“No anal for him. Your ass is mine personally.”
She nodded.
We returned to the loft where he immediately started undressing. It was our first time as well, but we weren’t that much of a novice couple. Rather than not let him feel like a shithead, my girlfriend proceeded to suck him off as I started to fondle her breasts and simultaneously removing my own clothes.
Looking up, the gracious whore asked, “So guys, when are you both going to fuck me hard?”
College girls are hot. I know this because a half of year ago I was in college and the girls there were fucking hot. I never went to parties, though, because I was too busy focusing on my academics than picking up some extracurricular body to take up my after school time. Though, it’s not like I didn’t think about it.
Take this girl for example. She didn’t intend to get fucked and filmed when she got dressed up for the party. She didn’t even know how much she’d drink. But then the alcohol worked its way through her mind and then she – while still cognizant of what’s going on – decided that it was about time she stripped off her clothes and go down on a random stranger, thinking, “If I’m going to be a wild party girl, then I might as well go the whole nine yards (nine yards turned into nine inches, or more, but what does she know? She’s a college slut and she probably just sucks off her algebra teacher’s cock in the meanwhile).”
Damn, I miss college.
Nothing ends a game like a good blow job, fucking session and cumming on some slut’s tits, right? Wouldn’t you like to know? Perhaps next time when you and your buddies are out in the scorching sun slamming dunks, you can invite this little vixen over to watch you. Trust me, because before long, you won’t be slamming some orange ball into the rim, you’ll be slamming your hard cock up to your balls into her nice fuck hole. And who knows, perhaps into her rim as well, if you catch my drift.
Basketball never looked any better, if I do say so myself.
It’s times like this that I’m slapping my forehead and sighing out in exasperation. Here I am in my office, surfing the next, watching hours of porn (because let’s face it, a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do) and then I stumble on this little number. Two fucking sexy women going all over each other before getting down on their knees and worshiping a guy’s massive hard on. All the while, I’m slaving away over a computer writing a paragraph that was originally going to tell you a story about a blow job I once had in the bathroom at a local mall – which was interrupted by a rent-a-cop and a woman who took a massive piss in the next stall (yes, I was in the women’s bathroom and my at-the-time girlfriend had coaxed me into the idea – really, she just grabbed at my dick and stroked it a bit and I was game).
But no! No, instead, I find myself wondering why it is I’m writing about porn instead of going and getting me some. In all actuality, I think a sex tape of my own will sooner or later be in the works (you know, once I find a woman daring enough to take it off for the camera). Oh well, at least I still have some shreds of imagination to work off of. A really hot number giving me blow jobs on a regular basis. I suppose it’s all great. Not perfect, but great to say the least.
Nope. Still jealous.
Everyone’s talking about the Verne Troyer sex tape and I’m no different. Since the first time I heard Mini Me was going to pull out his Mini Me dick and put in it a not-so-Mini-Me cunt, I had to jump all over that. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t.
Now I’m not sure what the big hoo-hah is with the celebrity sex tape – I remember being one of the first people in my clique who watched the Paris Hilton sex clip and was more intrigued by the way her eyes looked in night vision than her performance of a fellatio on her lover’s cock (which, by the way, is the star of the whole movie, not Paris, despite how gay that may sound). But Verne Troyer? Really? That guy gets laid? I don’t want to be the sort of person who just assumes the little guy doesn’t get any pussy, but seriously?! What the fuck?!
I’m sure E!’s all over this and a Verne Troyer reality series is now in the works. Because isn’t that how most of E!’s reality shows get started? With a sex tape?
This is how I imagine the sex tape to look like. Enjoy:
Swimming for sex tapes on the internet that doesn’t feature celebrities isn’t as hard a teenage boy at an all woman nudist colony. I filed through several amateur videos to bring you something with piazzas, however, because most of you lack imagination, I wound up with several videos like the one posted here. Now I’ve never made a sex tape because I have some decency of not showing the world my cock – believe you me, ain’t nobody in this good earth who wants to see that – but I do know a thing or two about the art of fucking and many of you don’t seem to know that.
While we love to think that the thing that gets us off while watching a fuck flick is the nice teenage pussy in front of us that is not the case. However, the fact that the movie actually has depth – meaning, camera angles and direction – really gets us off. If you just set up your webcam/mini DV on a surface and let it roll, well you’re going to come up with something that is really still and boring. After a few minutes of the same angle, people start to wonder if you know what the fuck you’re really doing.
Take the Paris Hilton sex tape for example. Notice how the schmuck held the camera at times, rather than just leave it somewhere and pray to Allah that it was going to give him a decent shot. Now even Jesus couldn’t give you better advice. Hold the camera, don’t be afraid. And if you’re really into the whole exhibitionist thing, then call up a buddy and say, “Hey, my girl and I are planning to shoot a fuck flick. Do you mind manning the camera?” Now, if you’re buddy isn’t a flaming homo, then this shouldn’t be a problem, unless you’re girl’s a hag. And in which case, that probably wouldn’t be a problem either.
Want more advice? Watch a POV flick anywhere on the internet, or a self made, yet nicely done porn flick by a celebrity of choice or your favorite online couple. Not to mention investing in some editing software so perhaps you can just position the camera elsewhere and add a nice transition from shot to shot, position to position. However, if you’re just making the video for yourself, then by all means, be as boring as you want.
Yeah, sort of like that, but minus the camera work and the loud angry demands of slapping her pussy – I finally found a video that embodied my dream about my ex and her fiend of a friend. And while I’d like to continue on with all the nasty and naughty of that almost wet dream – I swear to god, I woke up with my hand on my dick in desperation – I’d rather not bore you.
The joy of this video, and why I’ll probably want to pull off later, is because the one and only Sasha Grey is in it. I love Sasha and have done so ever since the Entertainment Tonight episode that featured her with several people trying to coax her out of being a porn model. Let’s face it, her strong stance was just as much of a turn on as her body.
In other news, however not free, Ava Knight’s (an aspiring porn star I met on LiveJournal; although she’s no longer aspiring) website debuted earlier this month. I suggest those of you who love hot and sexy women stroll over to her site and get yourself a membership.
Ladies and gentlemen, let me please reintroduce you to Blow Job’s older, yet more unattractive and messier brother, Hand Job. Yes, that’s right, cunts and boners, the hand job is desperate need of a rejuvenation, a rebirth – a renaissance of sorts. While many of your senior prom/high school memories contain your pimp-faced, brace-teethed girlfriend/boyfriend tugging at your hard meat, or fiddling with your pussy – you know the moments where you’re wish s/he’d just get down on there and lick around and suck so you can finally get off – you might think that the hand job was long and dead in your sexual career, but behold! It doesn’t have to be that way.
The hand job is the perfect birthday gift, a sure way to get your lover off without the problems of lock jaw, the smelly regions after a hard day’s work or the wandering pubic hair stuck between your teeth. And the best part of the hand job? You can perform it in front of your guest in the discretion of a table or blanket and will never catch you with your mouth on his Johnson or your tongue lapping at her hive.
So ladies and gentlemen, you can have your hand job today! All you have to do is ask and thou shall receive.
Very few men can actually admit to making their women squirt. It’s an illustrious sexual event and those of us who have hunted in the tangles of shaven and unshaven pussy have attempted achievement. And while I’m here to share sexual fantasies with you, today I have decided to teach you that the achievement can’t always be found within your pants. I don’t care that you have the holiest of grails hidden with your denim and boxers, chances are, if you don’t know what you’re doing, a big dick is pretty much useless to you.
Eating her pussy out is one of the many ways of achieving the squirt. Don’t mimic what you see on your stroke books or skin flicks, but instead educate yourself about the anatomy of the cunt. My suggestion is to read Ian Kerner’s She Comes First. Most of my discoveries in making my lovers cum is through the magic of my hands, as all female orgasms are clitoral orgasms, even ones that take place vaginally.
So give your girlfriend/wife/mistress/hooker something to gush about tonight and become an experienced lover. She’ll be cumming back for more.